I always felt incomplete, wrong and uneasy. I felt like I didn’t fit. I was always dissatisfied and unhappy, as though something was missing or incorrect. I always wanted to go; to leave and never look back. I wanted to move away from the people, the atmosphere, the relationships and the pressure. I wanted to be alone and far away. I thought that would soothe the tornado inside my head and the one surrounding my soul.

Darling, it’s time to go.

I worked towards that. I took all the steps I deemed appropriate in order to reach that point where I could leave with no qualms. I studied something that I could take to another part of the world and I abstained from forming any affection for anybody so I wouldn’t hesitate to leave them behind. But life doesn’t always take the course you set it on. Because I fell in love anyway.

Darling, you need to let go.

Now it’s almost time to leave. I’m finally there. I have so much more ahead of me and while it scares me, it’s something I’ve yearned for. I’m nervous. Will it be what I thought it would? Will it be better? What if it’s much worse? What if it’s not what I wanted? Will I still love it? Will I be able to cope? Will I fall into despair yet again? Will my demons follow me there? Will I finally be free?

But darling, it’s time to go.

I was never happy and I always wanted to leave. But here I am, finally finding some of that happiness I so craved and now it’s time to go. But my current happiness roots from doing nothing with my life and I’ll soon tire of it. I’d rather try and stumble and move forward than stay stuck where I am, no matter how much longer I’ll have to work for that happiness to come around again.

So darling, let’s go.